Introduction: When Love Feels Impossible
Have you ever struggled to love someone you simply don’t like being around? Maybe they drain you, belittle you, or constantly stir up conflict. As Christians, we often wrestle with the command to “love everyone” and wonder, Does that mean I have to enjoy being with people who hurt me?
God calls us to love, but love doesn’t always look like closeness or constant company. Let’s explore what scripture, psychology, and practical wisdom teach us about navigating toxic people.
Love vs. Liking: Knowing the Difference
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5, NIV)
Love in the biblical sense is not about enjoying someone’s personality or presence. To “like” someone is to enjoy their company, feel safe sharing your heart, and want to spend time with them. To “love” someone, however, is to choose patience, kindness, and goodwill—even when the person is difficult.
When we confuse liking with loving, our minds enter cognitive dissonance—a mental conflict that creates stress and tension. Psychology shows that unresolved dissonance increases anxiety and even physical stress in the body. That’s why learning the distinction frees us to love without self-betrayal.
Reflection Question:
- In your own relationships, have you confused liking someone with loving them as God commands?
Journaling Prompt:
- Write down one person you find hard to like. In what practical ways can you still show them love without forcing closeness?
Why Toxic People Wound Others
Toxic behavior often comes from unhealed wounds. As the saying goes, “hurt people hurt people.” Trauma, rejection, and pride can lead some to reject God’s healing and instead pass their pain onto others.
“For they loved human praise more than praise from God.” (John 12:43, NIV)
When people consistently choose pride, bitterness, and self-righteousness, they can even twist God’s Word—using it to control, bind, or shame. Jesus rebuked such behavior in the Pharisees, warning that religion without love pushes people away from God.
Reflection Question:
- Have you ever seen someone misuse scripture to wound rather than heal? How did it affect your view of God?
Journaling Prompt:
- Write about an experience where someone’s toxic behavior impacted your faith or trust. How is God inviting you to heal from that?
Guarding Your Heart Without Growing Bitter
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV)
Guarding your heart doesn’t mean hardening it. It means allowing God to keep your heart soft with empathy while setting healthy boundaries. Psychology calls this emotional regulation—the ability to stay compassionate without letting others control your peace.
Empathy doesn’t excuse toxic behavior, but it keeps you from becoming bitter or prideful in response. Pride often grows from bitterness when we say in our hearts: “I’ll never let anyone hurt me again. I’m above them.” That self-protection easily turns into self-exaltation.
Reflection Question:
- What boundaries could you set that would allow you to love others while protecting your peace?
Journaling Prompt:
- Write a prayer asking God to help you guard your heart without growing cold or prideful.
A Practical Step This Week
Choose one person you’ve struggled with and practice praying for them—honestly and simply—for five days. Not prayers of judgment, but prayers for their healing and peace. Often, God softens our hearts as we lift others before Him.
Closing Encouragement
Child of God, you are not called to like everyone, but you are called to love. Love protects, heals, and frees—not just others, but you too. As you walk this out, may your heart remain tender toward God, safe in His presence, and wise in His ways.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32, NIV)