Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt the invisible pecking order? Maybe someone made a subtle jab, excluded you from a conversation, or kept you on edge with hot-and-cold behavior. You couldn’t quite name it, but you felt it.
That, my friend, is what many call power play, a silent game where control, status, and influence take center stage, often leaving love, safety, and humility in the shadows.
On the other hand, maybe you’re reading this and realizing… I’ve done this too. I’ve used dominance, silence, or positioning to feel important or secure.
Either way, this post is for you. Let’s unravel the psychology of power play, what the Bible says about it, how it impacts wellness, and how we can break free, whether we’ve been the player or the one played.
What Is Power Play?
Power play is any subtle or overt behavior meant to assert control, dominance, or superiority in a relationship or group setting. It often hides behind charm, “leadership,” sarcasm, or silence, but at its core, it’s about influence without love.
It shows up everywhere:
- That “cool group” that makes you feel like an outsider
- The colleague who cuts you off or takes credit
- The friend who competes instead of celebrates
- Or… your own instinct to control when you feel insecure
The Psychology Behind Power Play
Power play is often driven by
- Fear of losing control
- Unresolved insecurity
- Past wounds (especially from childhood or social rejection)
- The need to feel significant, safe, or “above”
Our brains crave social belonging. When we feel at risk of being excluded or unseen, we may either
- Dominate others to feel powerful
- Shrink ourselves to avoid rocking the boat
Both responses come from fear, not freedom.
What Does the Bible Say About Power Play?
The Bible doesn’t use the term “power play,” but it confronts the heart behind it directly.
Power Play in Scripture:
- Jesus rejected control: Satan offered Him all the kingdoms of the world (Matthew 4:8–10), but He chose servanthood over domination.
- Greatness = Service: “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant…” (Matthew 20:26–27)
- God opposes pride: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)
- Favoritism is not Kingdom culture: “Believers… must not show favoritism.” (James 2:1)
- Real power lifts others up: “He has brought down rulers… but has lifted up the humble.” (Luke 1:52)
Signs You Might Be Using Power Play (Without Realizing It)
Be honest; this is a safe space. These signs don’t make you bad; they make you human and ready to heal.
- You feel uneasy when others succeed or shine
- You interrupt or correct others to feel in control
- You use sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or selective praise
- You exclude people who challenge you
- You need to be near power or “in the know” to feel important
- You withdraw or punish others with silence when things don’t go your way
These patterns often mask fear, not strength.
Signs You’ve Suffered From Power Play
If you’ve ever felt emotionally small, silenced, or uncertain around certain people, this might be why.
- You feel anxious or invisible in some group settings
- You shrink yourself to avoid conflict or rejection
- You’ve been excluded, dismissed, or used
- You constantly overthink what you said or did
- You feel like you must “earn” your place
- You’re afraid to take up space or voice your thoughts
God sees you. And He never plays games with your worth.
How to Break Free—Whether You’re the Player or the Victim
If You’ve Used Power Play:
- Get Curious, Not Condemned
Ask: What fear is driving me to control? What past wound am I reenacting? - Repent and Invite God In
“Create in me a clean heart…” (Psalm 51:10) - Practice Humility Intentionally
Celebrate others. Let someone else lead. Choose listening over performing. - Anchor Your Identity in God’s Love
You don’t have to earn influence—you already have value.
If You’ve Been Hurt by Power Play:
- Acknowledge the Wound
What you experienced was real. And God sees. - Detach Your Worth from Their Behavior
You’re not “less than” just because someone tried to push you down. - Set Boundaries and Choose Safe Community
Boundaries aren’t rejection, they’re protection. - Heal with Truth, Not Bitterness
“The truth will set you free.” (John 8:32), even if the healing takes time.
Final Thoughts: There Is a Better Way
Power play is the world’s game, but Jesus invites us into a kingdom where
- Status is surrendered
- Servanthood is celebrated
- Value is inherent
- Love is the currency
You don’t have to dominate to feel powerful. You don’t have to perform to feel worthy. You don’t have to be “in the group” to belong.
You are already loved. Already chosen. Already enough.
✨ Journal Prompts:
- Where have I used power or control to feel secure?
- When have I felt silenced, excluded, or manipulated?
- What does God’s love say about who I am, even without approval?